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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22382341">Narcissism</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparksTheDwagon/pseuds/SparksTheDwagon'>SparksTheDwagon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Corrupted Gems, Corrupted Steven, Corrupted Steven Theory, Corrupted Steven Universe, Gen, I didn't know what to call it so you get this title, I don't know I just like writing, Wormy Boi, Wyrm Theory, okay it might not seem like it at first but it is a corrupted steven story, probably feels?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:35:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,484</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22382341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparksTheDwagon/pseuds/SparksTheDwagon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven has been thinking a lot.<br/>Maybe that isn't such a good thing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It's vague, but I don't really know where the story is heading right now, so I'll update it later, when I have more done.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first fanfic! *Throws confetti into the air* Hooray! So, as my first fan fiction I decided to do...*drumroll* Corrupted Steven! Now, I didn't really know where to start this, since I've never wrote anything based on a show/theory before, but I think that it turned out okay! Oh, yeah! And the title will (probably) come in to play at some point, but I don''t know when. I have no idea what more to put, sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyways, enjoy the story and feel free to leave any suggestions, I love constructive criticism! Have a wonderful day!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steven laid down on his bed, his body sprawled lazily on the surface, arms hanging limply off the edges. He was so sick and tired of this awful feeling stuck in his chest, the loathsome thoughts that appeared suddenly in his brain and the pink glow that every so often would engulf his body and make him hurt anything (or rather anyone) nearby. He stifled a sob almost afraid that someone would hear him, even though no one was even in his room. Steven hugged his legs to his chest, pressing himself into a fetal position. Why was this so difficult?!<br/>
All that Steven wanted to be was useful, to have a purpose! Was that too much to ask?<br/>
He was crying now, his shirt getting soaked from his dozens of tears. Steven didn’t know how long he had been sitting there (after all time didn’t seem to have meaning for him anymore) before he heard a soft knock at his door. He almost didn't hear it, the knock was that quiet.<br/>
“Steven?” Pearl sounded worried. Steven looked up from his tear drenched shirt to the door, startling a little. He hadn’t expected that anyone would want to talk to him after what happened with Cactus Steven… (maybe they didn't).<br/>
“Y-yes, Pearl?” Steven responded, trying his hardest to keep his voice steady. He was afraid that Pearl would burst in if she knew that he was crying, and that was one of the last things that he needed right now.<br/>
“I just wanted to make sure that you were… okay.” Steven noticed that she had hesitated on that last word, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. Perhaps she thought he was just too fragile to say anything other than "okay" to him right now, as if any stronger vocabulary might shatter him.<br/>
“Yeah, I’m f-fine.” He answered, wiping his eyes and cheeks with the bottom of his shirt. He had almost forgotten that he was crying in the first place. "Why do you ask?" Steven hoped that she wouldn't notice the slight quiver in his voice.<br/>
"...Why don't you come down for dinner, and we can talk about it?" She replied, completely avoiding the question.<br/>
The offer was tempting, and Steven was pretty sure that he hadn’t eaten at all today. But… He couldn’t just put the gems through the kind of turmoil that he himself was going through. They didn’t need to feel that type of pain, the kind of pain that hurt every time that you even moved, the kind of pain that hurt every second, of every day, of every year, of every century, of every-<br/>
The slight tapping of Pearl’s foot outside his door brought Steven’s mind out of his own thoughts, and back to reality. What did she ask again?<br/>
Oh, that’s right. Dinner, wasn’t it?<br/>
“Thanks, Pearl, but I think I’m going to skip this one. I’m not really feeling hungry right now.” At least that wasn’t a total lie. His appetite seemed to disappear at the mere thought of talking to the gems.<br/>
Pearl seemed to hesitate, on the edge of leaving Steven alone in his room or barging in and talking to him. At last, after what seemed like an eternity, she heaved a heavy sigh and spoke through the door: “That’s alright, Steven. We’ll see you… soon.” Her tone was sorrowful, it made Steven feel guilty for making her feel that way.<br/>
It’s always my fault. Why do I constantly have to make things so difficult for the people that I care about?!<br/>
Steven heard the stairs slightly creak as Pearl’s petite figure made its way down the stairs. He let out a laborious breath that he hadn’t even known that he had been holding. Finally he could be alone, just like he had wanted to be. This was what he wanted, right? To just be alone?<br/>
“Perhaps loneliness isn’t all that curing, after all,” He thought, his mind drifting from reality and into his dark, twisted subconsciousness .</p>
<p>Steven sat on the bench outside of The Big Doughnut, the only signs of life being his chest moving up and down. He seemed to be sleeping, but anyone that knew him well enough would know that he was awake by the way that every so often he would scratch his cheek or even when his eyelids squeezed together like he was looking directly into the sun. Steven’s mind was racing with thoughts, like what he could have done different in the past years to avoid the anxiety coursing through his veins at this very second. Of course, he knew that all of these things were impossible to act on, they already happened. There was no way to fix them now. But, maybe… If he just closed his eyes for long enough… he would wake up from this nightmare that was reality, and find himself in the loving and caring arms of his family. His real family.<br/>
Steven opened his eyes slowly, only to find himself in exactly the same place that he had been five minutes ago, outside The Big Doughnut. He groaned and buried his face into his palms, his eyes started to sting with tears.<br/>
Why couldn’t he just be happy for once?<br/>
Did every horrible thing that his mother had ever done have to pile on top of him?<br/>
He just wished that he could disappear…<br/>
Steven’s entire body was engulfed in a pink light, slightly lighting up the boardwalk even though it was clear daylight outside. His mind was in turmoil, his brain filled with dark thoughts. He couldn’t seem to stop it, the thoughts swirling in his brain like a tornado, shattering everything in its path.<br/>
Then, suddenly, in the corner of his vision Steven saw a small, white light. His head turned, the pink glow immediately fading as he saw what the cause of the light. Right there, in front of him, a small white butterfly hovered, its faceless form still seeming terrifying to him. Steven’s eyes widened, his pupils turning to the size of pinpricks, his heartbeat quickening with every beat of the butterfly’s wings. Maybe he was just imagining it, but the butterfly seemed to come closer, the glow that emanated from its body growing steadily brighter.<br/>
His hand grabbed for a part of the bench behind him, but it slipped and Steven fell to the ground, his eyes trained on the flying insect. He stumbled quickly to his feet and bolted towards the temple, not wanting to glance behind him. The butterfly hovered in the same spot for a second, before its from dissipated into nothingness, as if it wasn't even there to begin with.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Lurking Shadows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shadows lurk in the rose bushes.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oof writing is tiring! Okay, so I just basically started writing random things and decided, "Ey, wouldn't it be neat to add Rose's stature in there?". So, that's what I did! Anyways, feel free to leave any constructive criticism, I love hearing other's opinions! Have a wonderful day everyone!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steven slammed the door to his bedroom, immediately falling to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. His breathing was heavy and ragged, panic and anxiety coursing through every nerve in his body. Garnet’s words echoed through his head, though it had been over 2 years that she had said it to him and Connie he still remembered them well.<br/>
He breathed, in and out, in and out. Nothing to fear…No one to fight…Steven thought desperately trying to calm his paranoia. When his breathing had steadied and his heartbeat had lowered, he straightened his legs out in front of him and took a deep breath in. “It was just a thought, and nothing more…” He told himself quietly. Steven relaxed, closing his eyes and slumping his body against the door. It was only then that he realized how tired that he really was. Not wanting to fall asleep in the middle of the day he quickly opened his eyes, but his already eyelids felt like lead, his vision swimming and his room drifting in and out of focus.<br/>
“Maybe… I could go for… just a little nap…” Steven yawned, his voice trailing off. In an instant he succumbed to the sleep that his body so desperately needed, arms going limp at his sides and the rest of his body sliding down the length of the door and onto the cold floor.</p><p>Shadows lingered in the depths of the rose bushes, their hideous forms slipping right through the thorns. They seemed unaffected by their prickly surfaces. The shadows all moved in unison towards the crying statue of Rose Quartz, her face cast down towards the pool that would every so often be filled with the magic of her healing tears. One of the larger shadows stepped forward, it's shape bending in unnatural ways, until it settled on a form that that looked a little like Garnet.<br/>
"You lied to me!" It garbled out, voice filled with anguish. "Was our love based entire off of something that wasn't even true in the first place?!" Then the shadow split into two smaller halves, one that looked resembled Sapphire and the other that mimicked Ruby.<br/>
"You never know what's going on!" The Sapphire shadow screamed, directing her anger towards the Ruby shadow. “You're not the one with future vision! I am!” Shadows that looked almost like ice shards seemed to form around the base of it’s long dress.<br/>
"You're right…I'm nothing without you..."  The two shadows dissolved with a harsh gust of wind, and another shadow stepped up, this time taking the shape of Pearl.<br/>
"You forced me to keep a secret! I couldn't bear this weight all on my own! And because of it… Garnet split up. But, you aren't to blame, I am. You were only trying to change for the better. It's all my fault… It's my fault that I didn't tell them sooner! " The Pearl shadow sobbed. It's knees buckled and it collapsed in on itself, small high-pitched wails escaping from its lips, until after a moment, it too blew away with a blast of wind, a small shadow taking its place.<br/>
The shadow morphed into Amethyst, blowing its hair out of its eye as it wearily scanned the Rose statue.<br/>
"You sure screwed everything up didn't you? I mean, just look at how upset Garnet and Pearl are! They are barely holding themselves together, Garnet even split up, all because of you!" It pointed a finger in the direction of the statue, it's gaze unwaveringly determined. "I'm not going to give up like they did! I will find a way to fix this, just you watch!" And with that statement it evaporated into thin air.<br/>
The fourth shadow walked to take the Amethyst shadow's place. It morphed slowly, its first form perfectly jubilant, then a worn and tired form, and finally landing on a loathsome state, dark tear marks, even darker than its body, running down its cheeks.<br/>
"You left me in a garden for 6,000 years! I thought that you were my friend!" It glared at the statue with pure hatred. "Did you even like the times that we spent together?! All of the fun games that we… that we played? Or-or w-hen we w...ould..." It broke down into sobs, it's arms stretching to be impossibly long, sprawling out in a tangled mass on the ground. The black tear lines only seemed to become denser as streams of salty teardrops flowed down the Spinel shadow's face. The sobs stopped and the shadow lifted its face to look at the Rose statue. "I won't let anyone abandon me again. You can be sure of that, Pink diamond." She sneered as a gust blew the shadow into the current of wind and it was lost to the open sky.<br/>
Many more shadows talked to the lifeless Rose statue, but at some point Steven lost count of how many there were. One took the shape of Volleyball, another the shape of Bismuth, even Jasper and the diamonds. But then all of the shadows were gone… except for one. The breeze had swept almost all of them away in an instant, their forms scattered amongst the sky. Steven looked nervously at the statue, it's head in the same place that it had always been, eyes closed and palms sitting still in her lap. He then switched his view towards the last shadow, expecting it to move. It didn’t.<br/>
“Um- Are...are you going to talk to her?” He asked the shadow awkwardly. I simply just turned to face him, its eyes(?) boring into him, making him shudder uncomfortably. "Guess it's my turn."  Steven mumbled, trudging over to the sculpture. Even though it was stone ("only stone" he assured himself) he swore that he could see her demeanor shifting ever so slightly as he neared her fountain. "You…" Steven didn't know exactly where to start. “...You did so many horrible, awful things. Not one of the gems that I have met has been unaffected by you. Whether it’s corruption, or leaving Spinel in the garden, even the war! That was all because of you.” He glared at the statue. After a moment of silence he lowered his eyes to the floor. “But… I don’t hate you. Even if all of the terrible things that you ever did are dumped on me, you’re still my mother. I can’t deny that. I don’t want to be like you though. I want to be better!” Steven raised his head to look at the statue, a determined expression washed over his face. “I will be better!”<br/>
It was eerily still for a moment. All was quiet, the only sound to be heard was the rushing of the wind. Then, Rose’s lips suddenly curled into a smile, her eyes opening to reveal pupils the shapes of diamonds. She giggled, covering her mouth with one of her hands. Soon her soft giggles turned into hysterical laughs that shook the ground with enormous force. Steven’s eyes widened, a look of horror appearing on his face.<br/>
“Did you really think that I care about how you feel?” Roses tone was harsh, and even though her body shook from hysteria she kept her eyes on Steven.”Of course you didn’t! You thought you were talking to a statue for stars sake! Only total maniacs do that!” Her laughing abruptly stopped, her lips contorting into a frown, disapproval found on her cold, stone face. “You say you strive to be better than me, but just face it, you’re becoming just like me with each passing day. You’re no better than me.”<br/>
Steven was appalled, he knew that words could hurt, but this was too far. Her eyes narrowed as she waited for a response. He shook with rage, his body suddenly becoming engulfed in a bright pink light. “I will never be like you! I don’t want to!” He shouted, his voice echoing in the vast expanse.<br/>
“Oh, but see,” Her lips curled up into a malicious smile, “You already are.” That was it, the last straw. Steven roared, bubbles forming around his hands. He bent his knees and launched off of the ground with astounding force. He cocked one shoulder back, his hand curling into a fist. Trusting his arm forward, Steven tried to punch the statue, but Rose caught him with a giant hand instead. She loomed darkly over the teenager squirming in her hand. She raised her other hand and with a swift motion grabbed Steven’s gem with her thumb and her index finger. Rose twisted the gem painfully and Steven let out a bloodcurdling wail, his pink glow immediately retreating back into his gem. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.” And with that, she tugged sharply on his gem, ripping it from his navel.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You better believe that the shadow is going to come up again ÙwÚ</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Confrontations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Eisvskwh I'm sorry that this took so long, but school has really been pounding me with homework lately, and I just haven't really found the time to type much. Anyways, enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steven woke up screaming, his face drenched in a cold sweat. He hurriedly reached for his gem, desperate for some sign, any sign, that it was still there. His fingers brushed the cold, smooth surface of the diamond and heaved a sigh of relief.<br/>It was still there. Thank the stars that it was still there!<br/>There was absolutely nothing to worry about.<br/>That was, until Steven heard heavy footsteps rushing up the stairs.<br/>“Steven! I heard you scream! Are you alright in there?” Garnet asked worriedly through the door. Steven internally groaned and scolded himself for not being quieter.<br/>“Y-yeah! Just a nightmare!” He stuttered with fake enthusiasm. He stood up, gritting his teeth in pain as his back creaked with misuse ("serves me right for sleeping against a door," he thought). Garnet silently stood outside the door, Steven knew that she was waiting for more of an explanation than 'just a nightmare'. "It was n-nothing. Justadreamaboutmomwasall! Nothing to worry about!" He explained hurriedly. A shocked silence filled the air, the mood becoming heavier and unwelcoming.<br/>The silence seemed to drag on for hours, neither person seeming to want to break it. "...Why don't you come down and talk to us about it, Steven?" Garnet finally inquired after a long minute of quiet thinking. Her voice was shaking, it was barely noticeable, but Steven knew her well enough to pick up on it. "We can talk about it together." Great. Just what he needed, another lecture from Garnet.<br/>"Thanks, but no thanks." He replied, the tone of his voice coming out a little harsher than he intended."Not really feeling up to talking right now."<br/>"Come on, dude! You need to talk to us, we're only here to help!" Wait, when did Amethyst get there? She only wanted to help because she was so mature now, she had the authority to boss Steven around like he was a little kid again.<br/>His rage was quickly building inside of his body, threatening to bubble and spill over the edge. But, he had to keep his composure, keep his emotions under control. Steven couldn't let them see that side of him. Not again. "Please, I-I really don't want to ta-talk about it, you guys. I-It's just…" His voice trailed off, unsure of what to say. What could he say? The dream had rattled Steven to his very core. Just seeing Rose like that, dark, malicious made the hair on the back of his neck stand on edge. "But, I'm fine! Really!"<br/>Are you though?<br/>A shiver ran down Steven’s spine, causing his body to twitch uncontrollably for a few seconds. Of course he was! Why wouldn’t he be? He was fine! He was perfectly fine.<br/>Another uncomfortable silence filled the room, Amethyst and Garnet were undoubtedly talking about him, not needing to use words to know what the other was thinking.<br/>“Steven, please! Just talk to us!” It was Pearl. Her voice was shrill and… desperate, and even though she tried to mask it, Steven could tell that she was crying. But even if he wanted to, no, Steven wouldn’t tell her. She wouldn’t understand, and only blame herself for something that she had no part in. He wouldn’t put her through that. His eyes started to sting, and wet splotches appeared on the wood beneath him.<br/>“Wha..?” Steven cupped his hands underneath his face, hot tears immediately pooling in them. Oh, stars, was he crying? Why was he crying?<br/>“I don’t think that he’s going to talk to us, you guys.” Amethyst said, voice barely above a whisper, just loud enough so that Steven could hear it.<br/>“Erugh…” Steven groaned, desperately gripping his hair as if he was about to pull it out of his head by the roots. Why did they have to get so involved? He just wanted to be alone! The pink glow started to radiate from his cheeks, quickly spreading to the rest of his body, tainting the whole room pink. "No…No…! No! NO! NO!" Steven yelled in alarm, his screams slightly cracking the walls and floor, creating a crater around him. "Eurgh! I thought I had this under control!"<br/>"Steven?! What's going on in there?!" Steven couldn't identify whose voice it was through the haze in his mind, but whoever it was sounded panicked and worried. He didn't want them to worry.<br/>"N-nothing! I'm fine! Everything's fine!" He squeaked, anxiously shaking his hands and clutching his hair. He just wanted this pink light to go away! The world started to bend and twist around him, the voices outside his door becoming mere murmurs and his room melting into one big blur. Bile started to rise in his throat, and the contents of what he had (or rather hadn’t) eaten that past day along with it. Thinking that he might vomit, Steven rushed over to his desk, grabbing the trash can underneath it. Then, almost as quickly as the feeling had come, it left, leaving steven crouching over the empty trash can. The sick feeling may have left his body, but the haze in his mind had yet to leave. What just happened?<br/>“Steven? STEVEN!” Garnet’s voice snapped his mind back to reality, the fog in his head withdrawing into the depths of his mind. It was hard to remember the conversation that he was having with the gems after almost getting sick all over the hardwood floor, but Steven forced himself to focus on Garnet’s voice.“Tell us what’s going on!” He thought for a moment, he remembered now why he was talking to the gems. They were all trying so hard to make him open up that he almost considered stepping out of his room and talking to them, really talking to them. But, then again… he didn’t want to cause any problems for the gems. <br/>Aren’t you already a problem?<br/>No! He couldn’t be, he was the one that solved problems! He wasn’t the one that needed help!<br/>...Right?<br/>Steven could hear the gems whisping, and he assumed that they were quietly arguing about him on the other side of the door (as his name came up several times within their hushed quarreling). He wanted another thing to fix, and this is what he got.<br/>He thought for a moment, scratching his chin softly with his clean cut nails. He wasn’t sure how  long he had been asleep, but his stomach growled. Steven was famished, maybe that’s where the nauseous feeling suddenly came from. He came to the conclusion that the thought wasn't entirely irrational, seeing that he didn’t eat at all the day before. Perhaps he could go for a snack… later. Maybe after the gems left. But, who knows how long that would be. No, he would have to go now before anything got worse.<br/>Slowly, Steven put his hand on the doorknob, clutching it as if rethinking what he was about to do. After a moment of concentration Steven sighed, letting out a long and laborious breath, and twisted the smooth, spherical shape of the doorknob, trying his best to make as little sound as possible. He peered shyly outside of the door, only to see the gems, mouths agape, their conversations cut-off mid sentence. They all gasped, Pearl bringing her  hands to cover her mouth, identical to when Steven had asked her if she had shattered Pink Diamond. He remembered how happy he had felt, to finally learn at least part of the truth. The gem’s eyes were fixed on him, scanning his body as if he were infected with some fatal disease. Steven directed his gaze to the floor, his attention diverted towards his feet, his eyes suddenly eyes widened with surprise. It was then, and only then, that Steven realized his pink hue was still glowing ferociously, lighting up the stairwell. He kept his eyes trained on the floor, not wanting to see the gem’s expressions, they were no doubt disappointed (considering that whenever he turned pink something… unpleasant would happen, with very few exceptions).<br/>"Um… I-I'm going out to eat. See you guys… later." He hastily made his way down the stairs, gently nudging the gems when they tried to stop him. Swiftly, Steven made his way out of the door, even when the gems called his name.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope I can get the next chapter done sooner than this one!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Asphyxiation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steven tries to run away from his problems.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a short chapter, just a heads up. I will be adding more onto this chapter, but I figured that I would add a little WIP in here, since I haven't updated in a little while! I've been working on later chapters when I should be working on them in chronological order, but eh, I'll figure out a way around that problem later. Have a great day!<br/>Edit: Welp, I added some stuff onto this chapter. It still isn't completely finished, but I'm trying my best to finish something that I can post on here! I hope you enjoy the 10 sentences that I added on! Oh, and another thing! I finally figured out how to do strike through and bolding on AO3, so I'll be adding more of that to my writing as well! Have a spectacular day!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steven ran across the sand, his salmon colored sandals flopping rapidly against the grainy terrain. His breathing was ragged, and his insides felt like they were burning, gnawing at his every nerve. Nonetheless, Steven kept running, not wanting to face the gems. He had to get away, away from the gems, away from the house, away from the temple, really, he just needed to get away from everything! He just wanted to be alone, why was that so hard to understand?! He had finally reached his destination, the boardwalk, where Steven skidded to a stop, his sandals filling with the dry sand and sliding roughly onto the smooth wood. He was tired and out of breath, the fresh evening air seemingly not enough to fill his lungs, but at least he was away from the beach… and the gems.<br/>
Disturbingly, that was the most soothing thought to Steven right now.<br/>
He walked for a few minutes on the boardwalk, and even though he was starving Steven’s appetite seemed to disappear the moment that he had stepped into the quiet little town. It was really quite calming in the evening, the sun just beginning to lower below the horizon, the sky painted in colorful hues. The strangest thing, Steven thought, was that there were barely any people or even gems in the little town. Of course, he passed a few familiar faces and stopped to say a greeting, but other than that the boardwalk was empty. Seeing as though there was no one there to really talk to, Steven thought that he might as well sit down for a few minutes and enjoy the scenery  before his appetite returned to gnaw at his insides, forcing him to eat something, though he really only wanted to get away from the temple right now. Steven sat down on a bench near him, setting his back straight as to not irritate it, the soreness in his spine still quite raw and tender from his slumber earlier. Sighing, he directed his attention to the clouds, their pink tint akin to those in Rose’s room… His room? He wasn’t sure what to call it. Sure it had been Rose’s room when she was still around, but Steven had gone into it and experienced the wonders and horrors that the clouds had the ability to accomplish. It was only fair to call it his room, right? “Yeah. Yeah, it is.” He assured himself after a long moment of thought. It was only fair, he was a gem too. He had the right to call it his room, since Rose wasn’t there to claim it for her own anymore.<br/>
Steven’s stomach groaned, snapping him out of his light trance. He was just about to stand up and walk to the big doughnut when a sharp pain suddenly burst from his gem, lancing through his body and up his sore spine. Steven covered his mouth with his hand as to not cry out in pain, he didn’t want to alarm the anyone that may have been passing on the boardwalk. He fell off of the bench, his knees hitting the hard wood. He had never experienced such excruciating pain in his life. Screwing his eyes shut, his hands grasped around him aimlessly, hoping to grab onto something that would help him through this. His stomach churned, and Steven thought that he was going to be sick for the second time that day. One of his wandering arms found its way to his body and he was able to wrap his arm around his stomach, at the same time he put his other hand to his mouth, gasping for air. Foul bile piled up in his throat, and Steven desperately fought down the urge to vomit all over the boardwalk. He was choking on nothing, his lungs desperately trying and failing to pull in the oxygen that he needed, unable to do so by some unknown cause. This was worse, so much worse, than the first time. Steven honestly thought that he, the savior of the galaxy, was going to suffocate here, on the boardwalk. Alone… with no one to comfort him or to even watch him as he suffered… but that was what he wanted, right? To just be alone, secluded, cut off from the world like a lizard’s tail that’s left squirming and suffering while the lizard tries to desperately escape from the jaws of certain death. Maybe this is what Steven deserved… He had pushed everyone away for so long, and now all he wanted more than anything was to be accompanied. That was never going to happen though because he was going to die here, and all because of his stupid, stupid, gem! Was it even his fault? Wasn’t this just…<br/>
...her fault?<br/>
“Her fault.” Steven thought, the words sticking to the inside of his mind as if they were stuck there by hot glue. Of course this is her fault! She’s the reason the whole gem war started! She’s the reason that the uncorrupted gems have their scars!<br/>
She’s the reason that Steven is alive in the first place, it wasn’t as if he had asked to be made.<br/>
That was all Rose.<br/>
Finally, finally, after what seemed like an eternity of suffering, Steven’s throat was cleared of whatever was blocking it, and he was able to breathe normally again, his chest heaving up and down as fresh air filled his lungs.<br/>
“What in the stars was that? It wasn’t that bad last time...” He whispered to himself, keeping his voice low. His eyes carefully scanned his body, checking for any abnormal qualities in his skin when after a long minute his gaze finally settled on his shirt, specifically where his gem was under. Slowly, he guided his hand to the bottom of his shirt, cautiously lifting the hem with his trembling fingers, closing his eyes, almost afraid of what lingered under the dark fabric. Steven forced himself to slowly crack his eyes open, looking down at the pink gem embedded into his stomach. His eyes fluttered closed, a large, laborious breath of relief escaping from his mouth.  The smooth pristine surface of the gem was no different, the round stone lying dormant where his belly button should have been.<br/>
This, whatever this syndrome was, wasn’t normal. Steven knew that. That didn’t mean that it never happened though. And Steven was the first human-gem hybrid, so maybe this wasn’t such an unusual thing, considering that he didn’t really know how his gem half and human half had interacted with each other much before White had separated them. Maybe this was normal, and he just didn’t know it.</p><p>He pushed that thought aside. No, this wasn’t normal. It couldn’t be.<br/>He cautiously stood on his feet, gripping the edge of the bench for support. He was shaky and unsteady on his feet, but at least he was able to stand. That was a good start. Steven’s limbs were still quite sore from the shock waves that had been sent through them, but he figured that they would wear off in a little while, they always did when something like this would happen. His body healed faster than a regular human’s and if he needed it, and he could use his spit to expel the remaining pain anyways, so there was absolutely nothing to worry about.<br/>And yet, Steven still felt as though there was something terribly, terribly, wrong, though he couldn't place his finger exactly on what it was. He felt as though there was something tugging at his mind, preventing him from thinking clearly. The thoughts and ideas in his mind slipping effortlessly through his fingers, escaping from him as though they were encased in a layer of slime. He would have to think on things, concentrate, but with enough effort and patience surely this would pass over! <br/>At least, he hoped it would.<br/>Steven stood there for a second, shifting his weight to the bench, trying to find balance so that his shaky knees wouldn’t buckle and make him collapse. Why was this so difficult? After about a minute of shifting his body and re-positioning his weight, he finally felt steady enough to stand on his own. He was wobbly, at first, and his head seemed light, but he eventually got the hang of it. It was hard to think, hard to breathe, hard to stand. Maybe he should get help, that would be the best solution. If he told the gems they might be able to help! They probably knew more about this than he did. <br/>...No. He would only worry them, and the last thing that they needed was another problem. They were already so busy with the school and everything, they didn’t need him to be a burden to them, too. Steven would wait until they didn’t have so much going on, then he would tell them. Yeah, when they weren’t so busy. Surely, he could wait. It was only a matter of time until he realized how untrue that statement really was.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yee</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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